"Every act of perception, is to some degree an act of creation, and every act of memory is to some degree an act of imagination."
The quote is from Oliver Saks' Autobiography 'On The Move''. The book resonated deeply within me. His life was something to behold in all its curiosity, discovery, creation, and insight. My main take away was his love for writing and the myriad of changes, insights, and knowledge that writing can offer us. Reading too.
The quote hit me deeply as it relates to my grief journey. My first thought was, did my perception of Donna's death, her life, and my grief journey give me the push to create? I did write the memoir "Donna, A Photo Memoir of Love and Loss". Which, at the time, was my navigating love and loss. I've written extensively on my site www.donnathebook.comI've done podcasts. I'm active in the widowed community. All of that does fall into the realm of creation. Of course I can see all of this as me riding my one trick pony called grief. Still it is creating. Being a maker of sorts. A maker for a few others but mostly for myself. All we can ask is to create for ourselves so we can understand better us and others. The rub for me is, do my creations satisfy me? Perhaps that is the wrong question since it begs for approval. Self-approval which is thin ice for me to skate on. The better question is what did I learn?
Each time I create from a perception I discover a new perception. Each perception creates new within me. It fosters discovery and understanding. I would see a sweater that I knew Donna would love. I would create an image of her wearing it, seeing us going to dinner, us laughing, and talking. Create this moment that was but, is a completely new moment. Not a memory as much as a moment new to me.
The second part of the quote, "every act of memory is to some degree an act of imagination." Danced in my mind. It swirled to the sounds of a jazz band beating out a tasty tune. Those of us on our grief journey dance to a cornucopia of memories. Those images from the past. The items we see at home. The songs we hear. All of those are memories that we either call up like a card from the Dewy Decimal System. Our imagined fingers touching each card as we pull them forward lifting them looking for the right one for that moment.
I would find these memories or they would just appear. My reaction would be sigh. Think about what's gone, what's not and the empty space surrounding me. At times they would conjure a smile. Yes, we were all that and more. Thinking about memory being an act of imagination was new. Each memory is a now. A new imagined moment that I created. One that was mine for me by me with me. Memories were my blank canvas or sheet of paper that I could create on. Make new or old or sad or joy. They were mine. No longer was I carried along by my memories. I would carry them as I created them. They were mine.
Take your memories my friend. Any memory. Not only those of loss. Take a memory. Find another memory. Allow them to connect. Let them create something new within you. Know that even in loss you're not alone.