Falling into Love Alan Watts
Sigh I knew Watt's work being all hippie in the 70's. His examination of love in all its beauty and magic was missed then. As I navigate my post dead Donna grief world did I stumble on this.
There have been reams written and posted about this poem and the video of the poem. "You see, for all life is an act of faith and act of gamble."
When I met Donna. When I married Donna. Our three decades together was all faith and gambling. That is what we did though we worked hard to succeed. If being widowed is success. Then success in my mind was understanding after she died and while alive all she did for me to be me. She gambled that I would be me. She had faith I would be me. And here I am more me than I was when she was alive. And all she gets is my memories written and shared.
Memories and Grief
This random link that popped up in my newsfeed and it turns out to be quite the powerful piece. It’s from a Web site Farnam Street. The piece "We Are What We Remember". It deserves a longer analysis. For now just a quick hit. More soon on this.
"Memory is an intrinsic part of out life experience." Is the opening sentence. It stopped me there because my memories of Donna and my loss have shaped so much of me going forward. I wanted to know more since I posted "Neurobiology of Memories And Grief". I got all weedy there on the biology of memory. How the more stress we have in a moment the greater the length and significance of that memory.
This piece examines a very basic premiss that "memory is an integral part of the human condition..." This quote from the post says everything to me.
...the strongest memory networks are created “when we learn something truly meaningful and make an effort to understand it.”
I've written greatly about how in my grief journey I worked to understand my loss, Donna, us, our love, and our life together. Donna and her death were an emotional stress that was unbearable. I wanted to learn and understand that loss, her, and my grief.
This article continues and examines how the future cannot be built unless we remember the past. The past for me has many facets. Or nooks and crannies like an English Muffin. Yet the crushing painful moment Donna died has filled my memories and my past. My future.
I'd ask you how do your memories of the loss of a loved one shape your future?
A Pandemic Grief Scale
This piece on the Pandemic Grief Scale was from psypost.org. The article is published in Psypost.org. The original study about Pandemic Grief Scale (PGS) is here. The research was done by Sherman A. Lee and Robert A. Neimeyer.
The PGS was designed to screen for dysfunctional grief after the loss of a loved on. The authors found 66% of the study sample showed scores in the clinical range.
This just puts a very fine data point on the reality of the pandemic, losses of a loved one, grief, and our isolation. Our dying are dying alone without us. And we without them. That says it all. Dying alone is tragic. I know I missed Donna's death by a few minutes. Fucking asshole taxi driver. Sigh.
The pandemic of COVID is not the only pandemic we will face.
Lee and Neimeyer say, “it raises the specter of a second pandemic in the shadow of the first, one characterized by widespread intense and problematic grief that could pose profound long term challenges in adjustment among mourners already struggling with pervasive psychological, social and economic stressors resulting from the spreading infection and policies to mitigate it.”
Those of use on our grief journey using our grief story to help others have our work cut out for us. We all need to be there to help and support others.