Week 4 of mmmmm still not sure what to call this? Talking to myself cuz no one wants to hear me? Sharing but not sharing? Stream of consciousness not dissimilar to an old with a slightly enlarged prostate peeing and trying to write his name in the snow. Better
Just a charming emotionally love documentary about a Los Angeles downtown warehouse where few and fewer craftspeople keep the over 80,000 students instruments in good repair. Just a joy to watch the students eyes blaze with passion for music. The link is the entire show on YouTube.
This is the site from a former neighbor of mine. Takay is a highly regarded fashion and art photographer who is recognized internationally. This is less about my humble boast I know someone. It's all about the art and beauty that abounds around us if we are lucky enough to be introduced.
Donna died in hospice. She died exactly 21 days after entering hospice which at the time was the national average. It was inpatient hospice which is not a thing today. Home hospice has replace inpatient for the primary reason to reduce hospital costs at what cost.
At the time when Donna was at the end of her treatment and the fluid surrounding her lungs could not be cleared, the oncology staff was going to send her home with me. Donna's oncologist and her PCP realized that I would not have been the best provider for end-of-life care. I've held the belief from the time Donna entered hospice that hospice saved my life. I returned to being a loved one. We both did. I was not a care-giver which I needed during her final days. I surrendered being the docent for her death and became her husband.
I'm sure at that time Death Doulas were present. It was not known to me or recommended. As I read this article and others the line that stays with me is "like an event planner, but in a really bizarre way". I can see that, death is an event. I was unprepared to do that though in my defense I did plan her funeral and events. The one glitch in doing end-of-life planning with Donna was this.
The social worker and Rabbi got me all pumped up to ask questions about her life, regrets, and plans for her death. Took me a day to get the guts to do that. I stood at the end of her bed in hospice. "Donna, do you have any wishes for the funeral and other events? Do you want to share thoughts about your life?" She looked at me directly. Her jaw was set with great resolve. "Don't be a maudlin pussy." That was perfect. That was Donna. That was love.
Looking back I think a Death Doula could've helped me greatly. Helped me sculpt important memories. Here is the memory I have. Love is Watching Someone Die
988-Hotline Counselors Air Concerns
I am a volunteer crisis counselor. Part of my volunteering is text based. Another part of it is phone work 988. I am new to the phone aspect of it. I can say without a doubt the training, all six weeks, was extensive. So much so that I had doubts about my abilities to do this which every time I log on my anxiety is present. Will I ever be good enough?
As I read this article and the related study I see that 988 is a work in progress. Critical work that is evolving, growing, and succeeding. Here is the survey.
Antidepressants, Weight Loss Drugs, and Stigma
Aaron Carrol, MD who has written opinion pieces and articles for the New York Times is on The Incidental Economist a blog addressing the reality of the US Healthcare System. A clear evidence based place to go for knowledge and understanding.
Dr. Carroll spoke to his need to manage his weight and mental health and the need to shift focus from the stigma of personal failures to the fact these drugs significantly improve the lives of people in need. The video is from a recent article he wrote in The New York Times.
I was not just struck by the logic and evidence presented but by the vulnerability Dr. Carroll showed. As I believe sharing our vulnerabilities is the definition of courage.
Cindy Sherman's Portraits on Display in NYC
A fav of mine
"Parents Are Almost as Depressed and Anxious as Teens"
This is an interesting and smart look at the teen mental health crisis we are witnessing in real time. The CDC reports 42% of high school students, and almost 60% of girls, felt chronic sadness and hopelessness. A staggering quarter of teen girls had made a suicide plan. STOP think about that and all we are doing to find ways to help. I'm a volunteer crisis counselor. I hear the stories of teens, depressed, anxious, bullied, assaulted, and self harming. I steering into their pain to help them find calm and hope. It feels like not enough but I've been doing for nearly four years. I believe I do help.
What I never considered is this all the data and studies looking at phone time, screen time, etc is well placed blame for this teen crisis but missed a key way to help teens. Their relationship with their parents. "20% of mothers and 15% of fathers reported anxiety, compared to 18% of teens. About 15% of teens reported depression, alongside 16% of mothers and 10% of fathers. In total, about one-third of teens had a parent suffering from reported anxiety of depression."
Help teens? Help parents!