On March 5, 2020 at 2pm I logged on to the platform to take my first shift. A baby chick. A Level Zero. At 4pm on that day I ended my first shift as a Level 1 and nearly vomited. Walked to get dinner on shaking legs. Thus began my year as a Crisis Text Line Volunteer Crisis Counselor.
Today exactly one year later.
I am a Level Noobie with a number. A noobie you ask? It's because I'm still learning, ergo my number is a useless self identifier. At least to me. I do the best I can with each conversation, work my butt off, and continue to improve. If I level up so be it. I am only as good as my last conversation.
I have had X# of conversations and volunteered X# of hours in one year. Not quite a full time equivalent but dang close. My friends tease me that I have a job I do for free. Being widowed, no fam, isolated, and no job my time this year was well spent. I pray my texters think so. And supers as well.
The percents of conversation topics I am sure match everyone else's. I have had my share of IR and AR. I have X# of texter feels and X# of Super feels.
All of that is what the dashboard has told me. There is more to a year than what the dash board displays. This is what I learned.
I learned that my compassion (which was unrealized by me) is a gift I can serve to those in need.
I learned my compassion has a voice. A very specific voice that seems to help texters. Thank you to two supervisors who pushed me to find it, cultivate it, and use it. They never gave up on me.
I learned that I can help texters navigate their hurt and pain by being an emotional astringent using the Five Stages.
I learned that mental health is complex, hard, painful, and worthy of my time and energy.
I learned that supervisors are the connective tissue between me and my texters. They live in that space behind the platform herding cats. They are the ones who do the heavy lifting and carry me when they need to with kindness, love, and strength.
I learned that deeply personal connections can be formed and thrive with others in CTL. Even as my isolation is deeply embedded into my life the connections to the few, the brave, the bold gave me meaning to my meaningless isolation.
I learned that I have the overdeveloped enthusiasm of a five year old that is grading on many as witnessed by "Go talk to the POM" LOL The enthusiasm ebbs and flows.
I learned that my work as a crisis counselor has opened doors for me with other organizations in the mental health arena. That I am now pursuing with great interest.
I learned that no matter how confident I seem to be on platform I still need to wear my mouth guard to stop grinding my teeth to pulp.
Bottomline, I learned more than I feel I've given. My fav texter feel was "Awesome sense of humor and good with analogies." See the reference about finding my voice to get why this is a fav of mine.
Let's end this on funny note.
On January 29, 2021. I achieved my new Level woot woot I knew rewards were no longer part of the moment. shrug all good. Wait for it.
I got an email that day saying "Today is a huge day. You've handled over X# of conversations. Your gift is. Our Level Whisperer sends these out every Wednesday's. "
Hope springs eternal. Or falls external. All good. Someone needs to fix a bit of code somewhere. Besides I learned when a texter says STOP it is not because I failed. This was just a coding error. Not me. He says wistfully.
Here is the list of posts about my year on the platform.
Volunteering to Find Meaning and Purpose
A Thank You to Crisis Text Line