“Your ’Surge Capacity’ Is Depleted -– It’s Why You Feel Awful” is a recent post on Medium. "Surge capacity is a collection of adaptive systems — mental and physical — that humans draw on for short-term survival in acutely stressful situations, such as natural disasters.”
This feels like my grief journey and work. My grief was a problem in that it was a weight on me and I was stumbling around to find not solutions as much how to retain my love and my memories of Donna while gaining knowledge, understanding, and moments of calm.
Tara Haelle, the author, speaks to how when faced with a problem that has no solution for a while or forever we need to deal with ambiguous because it is unclear (painful) and lacks a solution.
Haelle offers a number of ways to navigate this lack of surge capacity in our grief. Accept life is different. Expect a little less from yourself for the moment. Engage in self discovery which why my grief wound lets light in so I can learn. See all the different aspects of grief. Experiment with “both-and” thinking. Your perception of your grief can change. Find activities old and new that fulfill you. Strengthening important relationships. Finally build your resilience bank account.
Great read to apply to your grief.
“When Sadness Rages Like Fire” is from Lion’s Roar a Buddhist Wisdom on line journal. The piece was written by Pema Khandro Rinpoche who shares the life of Tibetan yogi Shabkar who’s practice and teachings were inseparable from loss and grief.
Rinpoche shares how Shabkar left home must to the begging of his mother who feared she would die without her son. Upon his return his mother had died and his home was in ruins.
Shabkar did not shy away from his grief and this story speaks to the importance of grief in our lives as a path to knowledge. The wound of grief is painful yet it allows light to enter us.
“Grief opens us to much tenderness and love”
My continuing struggle with grief is that all that I’ve learned about me, life, love, compassion, and pain has changed me. I cannot give that to Donna. Shabkar shares this,
"But grief opens us to much tenderness and love, and we can give that love to someone else, even if it is only with our lost one’s memory in our heart.”
A thoughtful read worth the time.
“What we lose when we grieve in isolation” This is from Quartz written by Julie Flynn Badal. This piece is an interview with Tanja Pajevic author of The Secret Life of Grief. Great book title that's on my list now.
There is a ton written about the horror of the pandemic and grief. All of it is great and helpful. I pulled this one because it’s an interview with Q&A. I believe that kind of interaction yields greater functional knowledge. Less didactic and more, ‘Oh yeah I can do that.’
Asked about personal tools to manage loss and collective support. Pajevic said, schedule specific intervals during the day to physically and literally grieve. These moments keep her buoyant.
Asked about what Pajevic does to give herself space to grieve? Dance, writing, and meditation.
The entire article is just filled with tips from another. Smart tips too. What’s more important is less the tips but how I can adapt my personal grief to what is here. See if you can as well.