This is the COVID-19 and grief issue. So much is being written about how living and dying within a pandemic isolation is effecting how we grieve, say good bye, and give comfort to those grieving. I wanted to share some articles that address this topic smartly.
Historically way back when we lived in villages death of a loved one was a village event. Wids were not left alone. The community/village gathered around the town fountain or center to support the widow. Grief was a currency of need and support where all gathered to help the one grieving.
Fast forward to the 20th century and our grief journey became more and more isolated as populations dispersed to suburbs. In that environ grief was a sorrow carried alone with all its transient suffering.
Today within our community and others we are gathered around a virtual village fountain sharing. Our personal grief shared allows other to see their grief and access it. AND it helps us understand and find a safe place to grieve. Shared emotions and ideas can only serve to help others integrate new knowledge into their world to create a new consciousness. Link
It’s changing again and not for the better.
An Unwanted Intrusion: Grief During Isolation
Sam Brooks writing in The Spinoff shares his story about processing grief and isolation. His mother died six years earlier and on her birthday he reflects on her, her death, and what the world, especially NZ is facing with COVID-19.
This is a touching and moving essay. Brooks addresses in very real, poetic, and powerful terms with the “bitter aftertaste, weight of its impossibility, and the weight on the soul.”
Great read that reminds me of the memories I have of Donna which sometimes I see as unreliable. Do I really remember it that way? Yet my memories strengthen my connection with Donna even today.
"Grief is a terrible process. It’s universal but highly specific, every loss its own shitty snowflake. I can’t imagine what the families of those people lost during this crisis are going through. A community doesn’t solve grief, but a community can lighten the load.”
Saying Goodbye: Unable to Gather in Grief, We Must Find New Ways to Mourn
Sunny Fitzgerald writing in the Washington Post speaks to the death of her grandfather in the middle of our collective life in a pandemic. She says it best when she writes “Mourning in a pandemic is complicated. But important to do it, even if that means finding a new approach.
Fitzgerald offers many ideas and ways to mourn even when we can’t gather. They include:
Congregate virtually
Create new rituals
Plan an in-person event for later
Give yourself grace, not guilt
So many great ideas check it out. Her website is thisissunny.com.
Coping With Death and Grief in the Time of Pandemic
I found this in Seven Days self identified as Vermont’s Independence Voice. Written by Chelsea Edgar she address the pandemic through the lives and deaths of four Vermonters. All lived unremarkable lives by the standards we seem to revel in today. All are average humans who loved and lived lives that gave hope to us all.
Yet these deaths re remarkable in the Venn of the pandemic and what it means to the families not to engage in the dying, death, and funeral. The pandemic has taken the lives of loved ones. As with all deaths it rips at the heart of the living with grief.
In a time of pandemic grief, comfort, and community are torn from us. COVID-19 tears our hearts from our chests and hold them up in victory shouting, “I have killed your loved one and crushed your soul. Grief is useless."
My Boyfriend Passed Away Suddenly, and This Is What Grief Feels Like
This piece was found in Popsugar written by Emily Cappiello. I found this a wonderfully written piece with a clear and smartly written. We all grieve differently in our own unique way. Many times others grief touches on ours in ways that are telling and important. Cappiello’s well written and select words brought me back to Donna’s death and my grief. It unfolded what I thought I had lost. I see my grief again not in the starkness of its pain but in the light that I can continue to learn from the wound of grief. Bravo Emily.